“I BELIEVE THAT CHILDREN ARE THE MOST PRECIOUS GIFT

THAT GOD WILL GIVE TO A PARENT IN A LIFETIME."

Speaking For The 21^st Century Teenagers

Whose Responsibility Is It?  When speaking to an audience of parents, I want them to feel as though we are having a conversation about their teenagers.  I want them to know that I speak for the 21^st century teenagers, reminding parents of their responsibilities.    Most people seem to blame the teenagers for their maladjusted behaviors in today’s society, but in reality parents’ are a child first teacher.  At birth, parents will have to instill what Maslow’s Theory of Human Needs identifies as self-actualization, esteem, love and acceptance, security and physical needs.  As a parent, you have the first chance to demonstrate responsibility for a life, nurturing and creating a bond with a new life, and showing dedication for your offspring, for the duration of their lives. 

Becoming a parent is the highest paid position you will achieve in your lifetime, which, when you were hired, you accepted this job without a chance for retirement.   There is not a time limit scheduled when you can say, “Job Well Done”, because you have chosen to be named Mommy and Daddy for life.  You will be responsible for correcting your children’s attitude when it is not acceptable, demonstrate character by example, having goals so that your children will set goals, accept responsibility and they will be responsible, show leadership (motivate others) and your children may become leaders and build self-concept (image) so that your children will have the ability to learn and the capacity to grow and change. 

There are many children who do not have the leadership or parents as I previously spoke of, so they may look for guidance in the wrong places.  With the need to feel connected, it is not surprising that teenagers will find themselves in more negative situations.  Parents must be aware that the decisions we make in life will not only affect us as individuals, but those that are placed in this world by the choices we make.  As school teachers, community leaders, churches or whomever a child may look to for guidance should take the time to look further than what the eyes can see.  Many young people don’t know how to ask for help and may demonstrate their need for attention by misbehaving.  Unfortunately, when children cannot find a positive role model they tend to gravitate to those who will guide them much of the time in the wrong direction.  Teenagers are left alone to making their own decisions and it is a parent’s responsibility to act as a parent even if parenting was not in your plan for life.

Now, the responsibility is yours, the parent.  The poem tells you that our children, although they are growing to become young adults, will continue to need your guidance.   As parents we are to teach, then, test our children before letting go.  Teaching our children character, morals, self-respect, self-esteem, and self-concept are what will prepare them for society’s acceptance.  Learning to maneuver through life with the proper tools will teach children to prepare themselves to becoming upstanding citizens. 

It is believed that if parents will lead, our children will follow.  So many of our single parent households are so busy trying to make ends meet that they have allowed their teenagers to try and lead themselves.   Teenagers need you, the parent, to lead them and then be prepared to catch them when they fall.

Gwen Gistarb is the author of the book entitled, ”Responsibility”.  Gwen also serves as a Public Speaker to parent audiences.  To order her book or to book an appearance, contact her at gygistarb@gwengistarb.net.  

By Gwen Gistarb

The Gospel Truth Newspaper 2008

Navigating The Way

“ Motivating Parents and their children”

A Parent Asked:  I am a single parent and have read a few books about raising teenagers and I have tried some of the methods suggested by psychologist and other specialist, but what I am doing just doesn’t seem to be working.  Can you explain exactly how should I have begun the process of raising a child and what can I do at this time to correct the problems?

Becoming a parent is probably the hardest job you will have in your lifetime.  Deciding what kind of parent you want to be is one decision to be considered before having your first.  One important thing to always remember is that there is a thin line between being a friend and a parent to your children.  From the early stages of development, a child is most impressive.  Their little minds can pick up and remember the things you allow them to do or not do and say or not to say.  They will repeat all of the good, bad and the ugly.  And many times at the wrong time.  You are the navigator from the beginning and as hard as it may be you must stay on course, otherwise you will loose at the raising game for parents.

When a child leaves home for the day, they are a representation of the parents and the home in which they are being raised.  Do you have a temperature gauge in your home?  If so, what would it read?  Will it read cloudy, partly cloudy, rainy, stormy, or is the sun shinning?  Periodically, we should check the temperature in your homes just in case a storm is in the forecast.  Quickly watching your children’s every move, because we are responsible for creating an atmosphere that is conducive to everyone’s needs and setting the pace that is acceptable to the requirements of what is called, a well trained home.

Although, many children are being raised in single parent households, the rules are still the same.  Setting boundaries of the things your children can get away with.  Juggling our roles for a successfully run household can be challenging, when you, the parents are being tested by how well your children display who you are as the parent. By the time your children have become teenagers and young adults, we can quickly evaluate what they may or may not have learned during the first five to seven years of their lives.

PARENTS AS THE FIRST TEACHERS

A child’s education begins in the home --- with you as the teachers.  As children grow into teenagers, preparing for young adulthood will take with them all of the influences of their parents, who have taught them by word and example. 

Identified below are examples of lessons parents can teach and pre-requisites required by society.

• Attitude – The most important thing a parent can do to leading their children to success is to instill the importance of a proper mental attitude.
• Responsibility – Learning to being accountable for your actions.
• Self-Image – A person’s self-image is the core of his personality.
• Character – The combination of emotional, intellectual, and qualities that distinguishes an individual.
• Leadership – The art of imposing one’s will upon others in such a manner as to command their respect, confidence and cooperation.
•  Respect – Understanding that all people and things have value by showing high regard and consideration for self, others, community, and environment.
•  Morals – Principles or rules of right conduct or the distinction between right and wrong.

~

Can you remember having a taste for your favorite entrée from your favorite restaurant, but when you got there and took the first bite, it didn’t taste quite like you expected?  What did you do?  You added more spice to get it just right.  Children are not any different.  They are what you ordered, but when they arrived and began to develop, they weren’t quite what you expected.  Then, what did you do?  You added a few of your special ingredients to get them just right.  Right?  You might ask, ‘what does this mean?”  What I mean is that when your children begin to travel a crooked road, we are to be there to redirect them.  Just as when you are preparing that favorite meal and you periodically taste it while it simmers to perfection.

 This is exactly what should be done with our children.  Unlike preparing a meal, they should be tested instead of tasted, of course.  As they begin to reach another stage in their lives, just watch to see if your teachings are being practiced, correcting them when they make the wrong choices, not being judgmental, but addressing only the situation at hand.  Having conversations with them and listening to what their concerns and desires are.  Connecting with your teenagers is one of the biggest challenges for teens and parents alike.  Power struggles, emotions, conflicting values, and busy schedules are major factors when communicating with your teenagers.  Staying connected can be achieved by the following:

• Sharing Something about Yourself
• Ask Open Ended Questions
• Listening

Parents, staying connected is challenging, but it is also vital to establishing a healthy family relationship.

Gwen Gistarb is the author of the book, “Responsibility” and  Speaker to teenage and parent audiences.  Invite Gwen to speak at your next event 

By Gwen Gistarb

The Gospel Truth Newspaper 2008

Testimonials

 After reading your article, I agree with your concerns of today's teenagers and wonder, where are the parents in this. 

 - Karen Thomas

I agree that it is the responsibility of the parents to lead there children to becoming better citizens.

-Latisha Battle

It is time that someone address the parents, requiring them to go to seminars  or classes on parenting.

-Byron Williams

When will the parents take a look in the mirror to ask themselves about their parenting skills, if their children are getting into so much trouble.

 -Kyle Kosh

Great article.  Keep writing.

-Sharon Parsons

I am excited that you are discussing the concerns the behavior and responsibilities of today's youth.

-Kimberly Smith

Parents today seem as though they don't know where they are headed, so how can they navigate their own children?

-Jim Small 

Teaching our children should start at home, and should not be the responsibility of the teachers.

 -Antoinette Kastins

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